


Hey! I Mean, He's Gay!

by lannstark



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-15
Updated: 2011-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-20 10:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannstark/pseuds/lannstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a kink-meme prompt:<br/>Okay, I want Molly to be in major denial about Sherlock being gay, like, 'it ain't just a river in Egypt' levels of denial. She thinks he'll come around one day because he's never mentioned a girlfriend and she's never seen him with a women. AND IT NEVER CROSSES HER MIND THAT HE COULD BE GAY.</p><p>John realizes what's up and has to set her straight. And because I actually love Molly I'd prefer a crack fill. XD</p><p>Original fill here: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/9100.html?thread=42928268#t42928268</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hey! I Mean, He's Gay!

John rapped on the door. Though her office was wide open and she was sitting at her desk facing him it was clear Molly Hooper was in another galaxy. She had a compact in one hand and applying mascara with the other, humming a jaunty tune.

“Oh! John! Come in.” She startled, quickly putting away her make-up kit, and stood up. “Er? Where’s Sherlock?”

“Yeah. He’s not coming. Told me to come round and fetch the report. Something to do with new evidence in another case. I guess he didn't tell you.” Her face deflated.

“Oh. Okay.” They exchanged a few pleasantries before Molly picked up a folder from the corner of her desk. “Well, here’s the report then.”

But just before she handed it over she suddenly refrained and looked him straight in the eyes. “John, can I ask you a question?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

She lowered her voice a pitch and leaned in. It took a few failed attempts but eventually she spit it out. “Is Sherlock-- I mean-- I think-- Is Sherlock seeing anybody?”

John smiled inwardly and to be honest it was hard not to grin outwardly, too. They hadn’t made a formal announcement but they certainly weren’t careful about hiding their relationship, everyone at the Yard had it figured out long ago. It had been quite some time since someone they interacted with regularly admitted ignorance, allowing Sherlock or John to do the honors and inform the person of their happy status.

He did realize though that with Molly it was a someone delicate matter.

“Er, Molly. I hate to break it to you but Sherlock and I are together.” Molly shook her head and giggled.

“Oh, I know that. No, I mean the other kind of together. You know, with a woman.” Now it was John’s turn to shake his head. Molly continued. “See, I know he travels a lot, for cases and such. What if he has a secret girlfriend. ” She blanched all of a sudden. “Or wife!”

“What?! No! Molly, Sherlock is most definitely not involved with any woman. He’s involved with me. When I say we’re together I mean _we’re together._ ” Her face scrunched up quizzically.

“You mean you have --”

“Sex with each other? Yes, Molly, we do.”

“But-- That would mean that --”

“--Sherlock is gay. Yes he is.” It wasn’t that she looked disgusted - John would have treated her much differently if she had - but she did look bewildered as all get out.

God, how sheltered was this woman?

In response to his silent query her kitty clock meowed the hour of 3.

“Well, that doesn’t mean he’s gay necessarily. I mean, possibly he just loves you enough that he’ll treat you like a woman and pretend--”

“He begs me to shove my cock in his arse,” John said flatly.

Molly swallowed something akin to distress.

“Well, you must be very special that’s all,” she sniffed, looking pointedly at her Fluffy Kittens 2011 wall calendar. “I don’t doubt you’ll stay together for a long time but if it doesn’t work out he should know that I’ll still be here for him.”

John sputtered. “No. Molly, you two, no. That will never happen. Look, how can I put this as delicately and as tastefully as possibly but so that you get it?” He sighed. “Let’s just say that on the Kinsey scale 1 to 6, the man is a 12.5.”

“What? Well, just because he’s having homosexual intercourse with you at the moment doesn’t mean he’s had sex with other men or that he's even interested in sex with men,” she bit it out with obvious desperation.

John exhaled a huff of ‘You’ve-Got-To-Be-Kidding-Me’ exasperation. He was frankly more than a little miffed with Miss Hooper’s constant refusal to meet reality.

“God, how can you not know? Have you never seen the man? We went through our mutual sexual history together when we first got together and believe me when I tell you that while he experimented with women he’s been with men and only men for the past fifteen years.”

She blinked.

“Lots of men.”

Now she just looked mystified.

“He used to be a wild clubber in his younger years. And until recently he was practically the communal bicycle with the guys down at the Yard. Do you understand what I’m saying, Molly?”

The blank stare gradually dropped away as she began shaking her head, her last ditch effort to maintain her personal canon. “No. Not my Sherlock. He’s not --He’s just not!”

Christ!

"You poor, poor, deluded woman. He's gay. Gay, I tell you! Gay as in Marcia Harden. More queer than folk. Gayer than a sock drawer, in order. Recall his own deductions on the subject and hear this: his hair has more product than an online shopping store. His clubbing wardrobe contains more silk than a Chinese factory and more glitter than at a 7-year old girl’s birthday party. I promise you he owns more make-up than you and unless you have a penis he won't even look at you. He’s more Homo than Sapien! Child, get over him!"

Molly’s jaw dropped and if Sherlock had been there to see it he would never again have ascribed her mouth as small.

**Author's Note:**

> Smallville devotees might recognize some of the language from the "He's gay" paragraph. That's brought to you by Omar's recaps from TWOP. Good times.


End file.
